Dear 15 year old me.
You probably won’t read this letter because it’s stuck in a pile of unfinished homework on your bedroom floor, next to the mouldy cups of coffee and your dirty underwear, that you’re too bone idle to put in the wash bin.
I’m now double your age, so basically this means I’m an adult. (So stop rolling your eyeballs at this, because although you think I’m old and boring… I’m about to give you the best advice you’ll ever hear).
Right, first of all, take your cup full of fungus downstairs and wash it up… Pop your knickers in the wash while you’re there. Trust me… your lack of basic self respect for your box room, is going to be used against you at future gatherings. I know it’s annoying and you’ve got better things to do, like belt out Survivor in your mirror like you mean it, but ‘survival’ to you right now, is getting credit on your Nokia 3310…. (oh, please)
Make mum a brew… (stop tutting) …. What if i told you, you’ve only got 10 years left of her. She won’t be there forever you know, and trust me…..One day, you’d do anything to hear her yell up them stairs again. When you take it to her, tell her how much you love her. You don’t know it, but she’s going through a lot right now, and she won’t admit it because she’s protecting you.
You’re in such a rush to get out, live on your own, spread your wings, prove something. Why? Gosh seriously, slow down. You don’t know how good you’ve got it!!
Hold on, baby crying, I’ll be right back…
I’m back.
Sorry, I hadn’t mentioned…. You’ll become a mummy. Two babies! Twins even! Ronnie and Arnie. (I know weird names right?) You’ll meet them in 13 years. No, the daddy isnt that boy you’re with now. Right now you think youre ‘in love’, well… I hate to break it to you, but it’s just not realistic. He’s basically just a boy. This is just ‘a thing’. Oh, and he’s cheating on you… (for God’s sake pull yourself together. Your just kids!)
After a shed load of floating through life, you’ll meet Keith. He’s the one who will walk you home from the pub every week, but you’ve both been friend zoned. 4 years from now you’ll realise he’s your soul mate, and he’ll make you his wife 6 years later. You’ll be happier than you’ve ever been. You will hit rock bottom. But he’ll pick you up, make you laugh again, just when you think you never will. He won’t give up on making your dreams come true, so together you’ll go through IVF, because believe it or not, your plan to have children when you want them doesn’t work out. News flash… life doesn’t work like that
Look, you’re whittling over stupid things right now. Please, please, please believe me when I say that none of it matters. The homework, your grades, whether mum knows you have a crafty fag on waterworks lane with your mates between lessons, or that you spent your dinner money on a new nail varnish. I’m not saying don’t try. What I’m saying is, dont waste precious time worrying about ‘what if’. You don’t need to! ‘What if’ i told you, you made it. All you ever wanted. You got it all.
15 years from now, you’ll realise that all the forks in the road are choices. It’s up to you what way you go. No right or wrong. You’ll take a different road in some places to others… good. It will keep you grounded. Mistakes will be made, but you’ll learn from them … you’ve still got hurdles to tackle along the way and things will jump out at you when you least expect it. But, you’ll come through it. Trust me.
Worry less. Let go. Be the best friend you can be. Love beyond measure. Be loved.
Remember, everything that hurts is only for a short while. Healing takes a little longer, so be patient.
Yours sincerely
You.
X