Going to bed before 10pm always feels like I’m cutting myself short. After all, I’ve only just sat down from a hectic day, so i can’t help but feel slightly annoyed when Keith suggests we call it a night.
But at 1:45am when Arnie begins his Oscar winning performance of ‘Tears in the night’, a new production the little chaps been working on, I’m always thankful of the early bedtime, because that’s currently the only sleep I’m getting.
Not because he’s up all night…. And not because he’s managed to wake Ronnie for a duet. But because my over imaginative, stupidly sensitive head starts partying. I’m talking hard partying, where I’m moving about, thinking of every possible scenario for what seems like everything in life at that very moment, and go from twitching my feet and rolling about trying to find the best, comfortable position possible to contain my emotions long enough to drift off, to tossing and turning when the ‘What If’s’ join the party.
I go from excited about things to major anxiety in 0-60.
Example…. Excited about plans I have for my 30th this year and go from thinking “wahoo”…….. To……….. “Oooh….. Is that the boiler banging? Thats really loud. Is something wrong with the boiler” as I proceed to wake poor Keith from his snoring, to ask his opinion.
I then toss and turn for another couple of hours about the fact I’m now angry with myself for not allowing my head to switch off. At one point, i even had the pillow over my head and screamed I was so frustrated about not being asleep yet, like that would help.
I’m certain Keith thinks I’m going mad, i’m about 90% sure.
I was never a worrier, as such. I still wouldn’t call myself that now, but sometimes when I lay there whittling about things… things that will never possibly happen, extremely unlikey to, or things that aren’t even anything that affect me….. I get so mad with myself.
Insomnia only really started during pregnancy. The usual comments of “ohhh they’re getting you ready for the sleepless nights” I figured meant because the babies would up all night. Not because my mind would start trying to save the world at bedtime.
Coffee in my cornflakes this morning. Because I’m determined to get out of the house with my princes this morning.
Oh…. What if there’s no double trolley……