An open diary through IVF to a BFP..

A lot of people following my blog are either just about to go through IVF, maybe still trying to figure out what it actually stands for, already in the depths of IVF and riddled with hormones, googling things like “will my embryo fall out if I sneeze” whist crying at your completely helpless husband for absolutely no reason at all, or you may have just stumbled on my page when searching the hashtag #fuckitbucket.

For those who haven’t followed me since the beginning of Kickstartbabies, when I was just beginning stims for round 1 of IVF, after 3 failed rounds of IUI and one abandoned cycle due to over stimulation, I figured it’s not fair to make you scroll through well over 2000 blog posts and pictures of my life, just to get to the answers to your questions.

So, I copied and pasted my Instagram posts all together, with all my symptoms, thoughts and feelings from stims right through to collection, transfer and getting my BFP. That way you can see exactly what was going on in my mind and with my body at each point. Not saying this will be the same for you, as one thing I have learned on my journey is that nobody is the same, we all react differently to the meds, hormones, emotions etc.

I did Long protocol IVF so this meant I had to start down regulation injections before starting the stims.  I actually didn’t start my blog until I was day 6 of stims.

I didn’t admit on my blog at the time, but I knew I was pregnant from 4dp5dt…. I tested out my shot and my tests just got stronger by the day. The reason I didn’t declare it, is because a friend of mine was going though IVF a week ahead of me and was bleeding. It wouldn’t have been the right time, so continued to document my symptoms as a log for myself and others and waited until official test day to confirm.

11th June 2014 –  Started Down regulation –  Buselerin daily (CD21)

24th June 2014 – Started Down stims – Menopur

27th June 2014 – Stims making tummy really bloated on day 4 of stims. 150iu of menopur daily…. Also continuing to down regulate with buserelin until told otherwise….x


29th June 2014 Making sure I eat healthy during the run up to ivf is the most important thing for me. Want to be able to put my hand on heart at the end of this knowing I’ve done all I can! X blueberries, strawberries, avocado, bananna, apple – I read that avocado is a superfood for fertility boosting success rates so having one a day! Xxx just whack them in a blender…… X

Morning ladies… Can’t help but wake early during all the meds. We are doing the down regulation meds (buserelin) at 7:30 every morning so not even a lie in for me on a Sunday! X when I’m up, I’m up…. Other than listening to Zita West relaxation cd, acupuncture and reiki, is there anything else I could be doing? Curious to see what your techniques are xx

 Continuing with 150iu of menopur daily…. Roll on Tuesday so I know how many follies I have! X


Thank god for my lovely hubby… I just look the other way while he does the injections for me…. ?

30th June 2014. Today i’m feeling pretty uncomfortable. Stims day 7. Bloated and heavy and can almost feel something going on in my ovaries today. Hopefully a good sign my little eggies are getting ready. Acupuncture tonight, I cant wait!  Scan tomorrow to see how many follies I have so far… Hoping a good number but not sure what number to expect? X where in the cycle are you and what are you feeling? X ??? ??

Today’s fertility smoothie… Not gonna lie, crazy mix of flavours but it just works! Kale can taste bitter so have sweetened with blueberries and have only added the avocado to get my 1 a day… I don’t like them on their own so great way to do it without gagging! X any suggestions on a fertility smoothie? Xx ??????????? ??


1st July 2014 .  (scan day) Yayyy!!! 12 ???????????? with a few catching up behind! X she really happy with progress and egg retrieval should be Monday x next scan Friday ????


Morning all… This is a quote that got me through the last 2 years after losing my beautiful mum. I’ve just read it again and think it’s very fitting for the IVF journey too. Been a rough few years in total but I feel there is light at the end of the tunnel for me, as there is for you all. Can’t help but sometimes feel that negative saying “why me?” But at times I don’t know why all the crap seems to be thrown my way. My mum said that these things only happen to those strong enough to go through it. It was things like that she’d say to me that gave me the strength to cope. And know that if she was here now she’d be saying it again…. “You WILL be ok” or You CAN do this”…So I know I am strong enough to do this otherwise this wouldn’t be happening… Hopefully I’m taking the hits for someone out there that isn’t strong enough?


Hammock check! Coffee (decaf) check! Good read check! Biscuits check! Comfy pillow and blanket check! Sun shining check! Earphones for music check! X this feet up relaxing lark is easy! Xxxx

If life gives you lemons… Make lemon infused water! Xx I like to have at least one infused water during the day! My favourite is with blueberries and fresh mint! X so many benefits! ?flushes out toxins ?clearer skin ?balances natural ph levels ?blood purifier ?high in vitamin c – to name a few! Xx ???????????


So my wine glasses haven’t been used in a while so I’ve decided to have a large glass of goodness! X avacado, blueberries, banana and yoghurt…. Along with my supplements x scan tomorrow to see how my 12 follies are looking! Hoping for ER Monday! Xxx


Yay! 12-14 good size follies ready for ER Monday – in total there are 19 but that depends on the other playing catch up! Xx waiting for a call to say what time to trigger tomorrow eve 🙂 xx

Off for a day trip to the spa with my bestie as a treat from hubby. no hot tub, steam or sauna for me though, obviously.Our overnight stay consists of chick flicks, dinner and popcorn in bed, reiki and a pedicure! Just what the doc ordered.

5th July 2014 – Trigger shot this evening. Happy weekend all! X what are your plans? I’ve got my trigger shot in a portable fridge in the boot of my car and a fridge to greet me when we arrive! I’m taking no make up and no straighteners. Just magazines galore and a clear mind… ? perfect xxxxx


 Had a great day and night just me and my bestie x she gave me the final injection of our #ivf journey last night! X I triggered at 22:00 in prep for my egg retrieval tomorrow morning! X I’m so excited now I just want to know how many are retrieved and how many fertilise. My new saying is I CAN get pregnant and I WILL get pregnant. That’s what the lady who did my reiki told me. I just need to believe more ?! X have a great Sunday all x


7th July 2014 – Egg retrieval day! Just waiting to be taken down! X excited and scared! X come on you follies! Gimme some eggs! Xx????


Over the moon! Almost double what we expected ! Xxxx 21 ?! Xx blood test weds as worried about mild ohss … But they seemed really pleased with the collection and number. On way home to get into that hammock in the garden! X

Waiting for the phone to ring. I am praying fertilisation has occurred.

8th July 2014 – Day after retrieval. Ok so I’m awake…. It’s almost 8am here in the UK. All I can think of Is when my phones going to ring for those all important results. I am praying ? for fertilisation… This would be confirmation for us both that we CAN do this. It’s the furthest we’ve got to knowing we CAN conceive our baby together. IUI’s are just roulette in a way as we don’t know what goes on once The little swimmers are back in…. Yet this would at least say my eggs are ok! Up to now it’s all been ‘unexplained’… I WILL get pregnant this cycle …. I CAN get pregnant! Xx anyone else wishing for that call today? Wishing you hope and hugs ! X


Oh my god!!! Over the moon!!! 12 of the 21 eggs have fertilised!! I’m so happy right now! day 5 transfer on Saturday! Xxx I’ve got a great feeling! Xxxxx


Wow…. My belly is huge today. Day after egg retrieval usually a size 6!! Couldn’t do up trousers today. Bloods tomorrow as think mild OHSS. Nothing to worry about. Period like pains is all I have and feel bloated. All for a good cause! X ??

So today I’ve made a batch of broccoli and stilton soup. I’m only eating warm foods and room temperature drinks. This is all in prep for my transfer Saturday 🙂 x just been for blood test as have mild OHSS. Taking it easy with feet up again! X


Just had call about bloods this morning….. Confirmed I definitely do have OHSS not bad but mild. Need to@drink 2.5/3 Ltrs a day and keep feet up! X


Keith – I want them all home…

Made my heart melt! ???? xx

11th July 2014 – Just had the call. (Kept me waiting!!) TRANSFER TOMORROW MORNING @ 09:30 – 21 collected, 12 fertilised, 5 at blastocyst stage looking spot on, 4 dividing nicely. Over the moon!!!

 12th July 2014 – Transfer DAY


Hi ladies !! I’m having one blastocyst replaced today and I can’t wait! So far in this journey things have been positive for us both so I’m hoping that it stays that way x I’ve got a stack of comedies to watch on my return home and setting Up camp in the living room for the rest of the day! X feel blessed to have come this far already on our first ivf attempt after 3 failed IUI’s and 3 long years to trying for our baby. Embryologist called last night to confirm a good number made it and look superb! Will let you know today when I’ve heard exactly how they looking – I’m wishing hoping praying and willing. Had a dream of a bfp last night! X that’s a sign xx any other ladies having egg transfer today? Xxx


Omg! Xxx we had 2 blastocysts transferred!!!! Xxx PUPO DAY 1

Symptoms DPT = Days Past Transfer

1dp5dt (1 Day Past 5 Day Transfer)

13th July 2014 – Morning ? ! So I’ve made it through my first day and night of being PUPO (pregnant until proved otherwise) Got to admit, it’s made me more obsessed with this whole thing! ?Every move I make I’m secretly worrying about- what side to be sleeping on, every time I go to the toilet, walk up the stairs, sneeze, laugh, cry…. Today I’m going to have a stern word with myself. Everything’s ok. These babies WILL stick and no amount of peeing or laughing will make any difference – unless they fall out. Shit, what if they fall out? I need to remain calm and relaxed. I am trying to ensure I do : ?eat warm foods and drinks (room temp water) ?keeping hydrated – ?taking a prenatal vitamin containing folic acid ?omega 3 supplement. BUT mainly I need to stay positive!!! ????


Morning lovely ladies xx so today’s update!! I am 2dp5dt I’m feeling crampy today.. Like AF cramps. Other than that, nothing x I’m trying to not watch every single symptom as I know a lot if this could be the progesterone! But want to blog a daily update 1 for me to look back on this journey and 2, for you all to compare with xx it’s my hubby’s birthday today ? x he is 37 today, I am 28 in September. I’m hoping the little babas are digging in getting comfy! X x how are you feeling today and how many dpo are you pt? Xx ??????


Morning all. Well today I’m 3dp5dt and I feel really emotional. Just feel anxious, nervous and like I could cry at the drop of a hat! I think not hearing from the hospital about if I have any frozen embryos doesn’t help.. And still can’t get through to them today! ? x not crampy today feel normal and no twinges. Trying to replace these feelings with some positive vibes! X


What better way for me to snap out of this mood than to walk in the nature park 5 mins away from home. Just sat on the bench there in the distance for a good hour, headphones on and tunes on. Had a few emotional moments sat there. Sun shining,  blue skies and butterflies all around me. had a little word with the embies and told them to stay put. I hope they can hear me…xx

Just had the call. No eggs to freeze. Some made to blasto stage  but theyhave a cut off on grade when they freeze due to how they deteriorate when thawing. I’m gutted. Even more pressure for this to work.

 Thank you all for your lovely comments today after my rants on today’s findings. After a long slow walk, fresh air and a meltdown in the middle of waitrose when my hubby’s best mate said “hi how are things?”, I’m feeling much better. When my hub finished work we drove to where my mums plot is. She was buried on a natural burial ground so I love being there with all the wild flowers, butterflies and gorgeous views. After a long chat outloud and a good blub… I’m back to being calm cool and collected. I am thankful for the life I have and anything that comes my way is a blessing. This really is out of my control now and whatever will be I just need to accept that. These babas need to dig in deep…xx

 4dp5dt (I tested out my trigger and the lines appeared  to be getting darker but didn’t say on the blog as explained above in the intro)

Morning all. So it’s Wednesday morning here in the UK. I am now 4dp5dt . After a pretty crappy day yesterday with my negative vibes , tears and tantrums – as predicted, today I feel fine. One thing I’ve learned on this journey is that I’m losing my mind! I’m like a mad woman! I’m hoping just all the hormones! I’ve woken up positive again as I know I need to look after these little babas that came home with me, not those that didn’t! I’m going to focus on nurturing and keeping these ones on board! I’ve started talking out loud to them as one person suggested, I pray daily and I am replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. I’ve stocked up on all the goodness I need – raspberries, blueberries ,pineapple juice , avocado, pommegranite juice etc…. I am PUPO after all ! Today is all about enjoying this moment! Not fearing the future that I have absolutely no control of. I’m replacing my fears with a positive so here they are – A few of my fears are:

?I don’t have any eggs to freeze (replaced with I won’t need them!)

?what if they don’t stick around (replaced with I’ve done all I can in my power , and things happen for a reason)

?scared of returning to work after all this time off and for nothing. (Replaced with yeah and what? I’ll have more time off when I start round 2 if needed).

?I worry about age – hubby 9 years older than me (replaced with age is just a number and this will happen when our time is right)

?what if I’ll never be a mummy? (Replaced with are you kidding? I was born to be a mummy!!) ?All in all – 2 fingers up to the what ifs and maybes … Worry gives the small things a big shadow .. I’m always worrying about what ifs but WHAT IF I stopped worrying? ? x up yours what ifs because I’ve got an answer for everything! X.

 Symptoms today –  4dp5dt are below – sorry for TMI at times… But want to be as honest and open – let’s face it… I’ve not much dignity left as it is so what they hey! X I had loose bowels this morning, a headache that’s just been barely noticeable. Like dehydrated but I’m not. Also I have a sore throat this evening. None of the above on a great scale. Anyone else have these symptoms that lead to a bfp? Xx


Morning lovely ladies!! X so today I am 5dp5dt!! Going very quickly! X feeling fine today, still remaining extremely positive. Loose bowels again first thing, headache gone but feel dehydrated. Packing today for a trip to Devon with my husband, best friends and their beautiful babies (our god daughters). We go on Monday to Friday so the hospital have said we can take our own test wednesday and call in with the results! Then they will book us in for blood test x still praying to he big man upstairs and talking to my embies xx


Morning you lovely bunch! X Today I am 6dp5dt !After my post yesterday I developed oily skin on my face throughout the day and my dehydration continued. In the night I woke not only to the thunder and lightening, but to lower back aches and my right hip too. Still thirsty but keeping well hydrated. While I was tossing and trying I was imagining how to tell people when we get the news. So difficult when doing ivf as I have chosen to tell all close friends and family and close work colleagues x so can’t really hide it …. Or have that big surprise announcements! X how are you all feeling today? X I’m extremely posiive.


Morning! I’m awake at 5:15 this morning as for the second night running I just can’t sleep. I’m 7dp5dt having uncomfortable cramps in upper stomach. Feels like similar pain to acid although I think it’s gas. That’s second night on trot! Don’t have it during day just at night when laying down. Skin was still oily during day yesterday, I was ratty for most of the day to be honest! (Poor hub) x feel slightly nauseated but haven’t been sick. Temperature pretty high but it’s so muggy here and just had the hottest day of the year so far! I also had to take a nap yesterday after a light shopping trip with my bestie. I was shattered! Not sure if due to weather though . I was absolutely starving come each mealtime yesterday! I’m hoping all good signs ??️ x have a great weekend x


Morning ladies x hope you are all well? X so today I’m a whopping 8dp5dt !! Going very quick! Xx dehydration continues, and I had another nap yesterday to beat the tiredness. I felt as though is don’t too much on Friday so made sure I relaxed yesterday. Had few cramps during the day yesterday, hunger increased for 2nd day running. I thankfully didn’t wake during the night this time with the painful trapped wind. But this morning I have woken up to that as well as diarrhoea ! My tummy feels that funny I think I could be sick but I haven’t. A few wobbly moments yesterday where I just didn’t feel 100%. Today I’ve noticed more obvious breast pain. Not nipples as such just tender breasts x x


Hello lovelies ! X today I am 9dp5dt ! Thankfully the painful gas is easing up and haven’t had during the night again. But I do have insomnia and have had 3 hours and 40 min sleep! ??! X loose bowels again this morning too x off on holiday now with friends and will continue to blog things daily xx hope you all are ok x wednesday I will confirm if this is my BFP XXX


Hi lovelies!! Well, I’m on holiday and it’s absolutely wonderful here! X with our best friends in the world and my beautiful god children. Tomorrow is test day and I’m feeling so positive still…. Will post first thing tomorrow!! I am SO uncomfortable today… So much so I’ve had to come back to base to eat while everyone else had fun at the arcades! X literally feel that bloated my belly button could pop out! Look 4 months pregnant today! (Yay ?) x hope you all well 🙂 xxx lots of love xxx

 11 dp5dt –  Official test day


Well ladies… Here you go! It’s a very strong BFP for me. ??Calling hospital today to schedule beta presumably for Friday when I’m home from our little jolly. I have been so uncomfortable the last few days but it’s all worth it. I know how blessed and luck we are and I am rooting for you all on this journey. Only says 2-3 weeks but I can’t work out how far along I am at 11dp5d ? !! Is it 4 or 5 weeks? You’ve all been such a huge support network , thank you x love to all x