A poem of infertility….

Stop what you’re doing, just a second
Pick yourself up from the floor
You’re barely recognisable
Even you don’t know you anymore.

Those big brown eyes once so pretty
They turn green, every new day that dawns
Who is this person within you
That cries, every new baby born.

It’s hard for you to be happy
You’re consumed by “why’s that not me”
So desperate to give him a baby
Break these chains, be finally free

Right now you can’t see a future
Or imagine your body with child
Your grieving for something you long for
Can’t remember the last time you smiled.

On good days you manage to hide it
When womb pryers ask if you’re trying
Another one line on your test today
Spent most your morning crying

You’ve so many people around you
Just a handful who understand
What it’s like to want this so badly
The future is out of your hands.

All of a sudden a light shines
Amidst the blinding darkness and gloom
You realise it’s time to start talking
About this elephant in the room

You usually talk for hours
But this subject forces you mute
Turns out, he’s as scared as you are
Hadn’t planned to go down this route.

It feels like a weight has been lifted
As you lay out your private life bare
Unburden yourselves from this secret
Infertility love affair

That moment, the start of your journey
This person before you, your guide
There’s no guarantee what the outcome
Together you stand, side by side.

It’s not how you imagined making baby
Forefitting your moments of fun
For injections and hormones aplenty
Be worth it when all this is done.

One day you’ll be feeling hopeful
The next you’ll question it’s worth
But keep your eyes on the prize girl
This is why you were put on this earth

Your exhausted body is healed now
Your tired mind restored
Then a second line starts appearing
There’s miracle babies on board.

All of the tears and the yearning
Dragging along this third wheel
Your tears of sorrow, now happiness
Pinch yourself, this is real.

Months go by, and you flourish
There’s beauty in you to discover
Forgiven your body of failing
You got here one way or another.

Your prayers are finally answered
Overcome by feelings of joy
You screen shot his face in your memory
As you hand him his new baby boys.

It’s worth everything you’ve been through
The heartache, tears and pain
Don’t just wait for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain.

By Stacey Hill, Kickstartbabies